Red Alert @ 5th month

Today, 15 August 2010, is Qifah's 5-mth old birthday. Happy birthday, love. Mama pray that you will stay healthy and cheery as ever, muaks~!

After Sahur & Subuh, I just realised that I'm not able to fast effective today. Yes, red alert, the 'big auntie', Nihon flag, whatever you call it. I'm confused. I've been exclusively breastfeeding Qifah all these while. I tot my 'big auntie' won't be visiting me, at least until end of 5th month, when Qifah will be introduced with solid foods (hence no longer exclusive breastfed). I tot at least we'll be 'safe' until next month hohoho! At the same time, we felt relieved because my tummy has been unusual these days (hence the wild thinking hohoho...) Well, Allah knows well what is the best arrangement for each of us.

On that note, I have to ganti puasa after Ramadhan ends. I tot I will have a full Ramadhan this year. Nevermindlah, at least Qifah will get satisfying feedings for the next few days :)

To all Muslims (who are able to fast), happy fasting~!

Brand new Ramadhan

Marhaban ya Ramadhan Al-Mubarak!

Once again, Muslims all over the world embraced the arrival of Ramadhan 1431 Hijriah Calendar. For us Malaysian, our 1st Ramadhan fell on Wednesday, 11 August.

This year's Ramadhan brings some changes to my life, amongst all:

• Last year: Qifah still growing in my womb (approximately 3-mth old gestation). This year: Qifah is here already @ 5-month old.

• Last year: Apart from I was pregnant with Qifah, having occassional neausea (and hence ponteng puasa 11 days! Gosh!), my fasting schedule was quite the same as per the years before. This year: I'm a breastfeeding Mama. Cannot simply 'lepak'ing at home as I have a little one to feed and take care of.

• Last year: Still staying with my parents (BDO house in the process of obtaining CFO then). Sahur time still my mom woke up first, got things ready then only WE woke up :P. Got back from work, also my mom already prepared for the break fast. Life's good~. This year: Fasting at BDO. ME, straightaway cook for break fast after got back from work (no rest ooo :O). ME, first to wake up to get things done for Sahur (cook extra servings for break fast laaa... then Mr Microwave does the rest, tada~!)

• Last year: Can perform Tarawikh prayer as and when I like (of course after Isyak...) This year: Qifah's got very clingy nowadays. Have to put her to sleep first otherwise she'll just want to be held like a koala bear. If she stays awake throughout, have to wait for Ayah comes back from mosque, then only my turn to do it.

Milk volume? I must say there is a material decline. At office, 2 sessions of pumping I can only get the most 12 oz. Yesterday, 10 oz only. Oh no! Looks like I have to make it 3 compulsory sessions for every working day, 1 session after break fast and 1 session after Sahur. Sahur session is rather challenging as I am a sleep-deprived homosapien :P

Must eat healthily. I have to ensure that there are rice, fish/chicken/beef and plenty of veges during break fast and Sahur. Eat tonnes of kurma and raisin as snack. Drink 2 litre of water throughout break fast till Sahur. Drink Horlick + oat before sleep and during Sahur. I will try to maintain this diet. (Ref: Mommy Luna Diary)

Above all, I pray that I will fast healthily, Qifah will get all the nutrient she needs from her fasting Mama.

Happy fasting all!

Pergi Tak Kembali

Ahad, tanggal 28 Sya’ban 1431H, bersamaan 8 Ogos 2010. Itulah tarikh pemergian atok kami yang tercinta, Allahyarhamah Hjh Kamsiah bte Hj Abu Bakar.

Kami baru selesai sarapan di umah kuarge mertuaku di Kg. Sg. Gersik, Muar bila HPku berdering. Ku fikirkan bunyi loceng jam. Masa tu kira-kira jam 7.50 pagi. Bila ku capai HP, tertera pemanggilnya Oly, adikku di JB, hatiku dah terdetik. ”Maktok dah takde...” ujar Oly. Air mataku mengalir laju walaupun sudah ku agak berita yang bakal dikhabarkan.

Kami sekuarge bergegas bersiap & bergerak ke Kg. Kayu Ara Pasong pagi tu. Alhamdulillah, kami sempat menatap wajah atok buat kali terakhir sebelum dia disolatkan & diusung untuk dikebumikan. Wajahnya tenang sahaja pada pandangan mataku.

Arwah atok sangat sayangkan cucu-cucunya. Bila ku kenang kembali, kira-kira 5 bulan lepas arwah atok masih lagi sihat dan membela aku yang baru lepas bersalin dengan penuh sehingga habis pantang selama 44 hari. Dialah yang dodoikan Qifah bila Qifah menangis, mandikan Qifah (berapa kali diberak & dikencingkan Qifah semasa dalam proses memandikan dia tu…), masakkan aku, mandikan aku semasa awal pantang, buatkan tungku, tuam, pakaikan bengkung, param, pilis, segala-galanyalah. Pilu betol hatiku bila terkenangkan detik-detik itu. Kami anak beranak dijaga sebegitu rapi tanpa jemu. Difikirkan kembali, Qifahlah cicit terakhir yang dibelanya.

Habis sahaja pantang, kesihatan arwah atok kian merosot. Sehinggalah pada bulan Jun/Julai dia disahkan menghidap kanser usus, pada waktu itu dah stage 4. Doktor juga telah menyatakan peluangnya untuk pulih amat tipis, dengan usianya yang sudah menjangkau 80+ tahun. Kami & saudara mara yang lain cuba ikhtiarkan cara tradisional, tapi nampaknya tidak berkesan.

Aku sempat menjenguknya sehari sebelum pemergiannya. Arwah atok kurus sangat sebab dia dah tak lalu makan. Makan pun sekadar minum sup 2-3 suap. Sempat aku suapkan bubur & sup untuknya, tapi tak banyak. Katanya, dia tak dapat menjaga aku sekiranya aku bersalin lagi. Aku dah memang banjir dengan air mata sepanjang melawatnya di kampung.

Allah maha penyayang dan lebih mengetahui apa yang terbaik baginya. Kembalinya arwah atok ke pangkuan Ilahi boleh jadi cara Allah meringankan kesakitan yang ditanggungnya itu. Ralatnya, aku tak terfikir untuk meminta maaf & meminta halal segala yang diberikan oleh arwah atok semasa aku menziarahinya. Mungkin masa tu aku fikir arwah atok tidak akan pergi secepat itu.

Ya Allah! Engkau cucurilah rahmat ke atas roh Allahyarhamah Hjh Kamsiah bt Hj Abu Bakar dan ampunkanlah dosanya. Semoga rohnya ditempatkan bersama-sama para Solihin dan penghuni syurgaMu, Amin Ya Rabb!

(To be) One nite in KL (without Qifah)

After numerous 'taichi'ing, finally I HAVE to go outstation, and this time, WITHOUT QIFAH :`{. First, I tot I managed to run away from the outstation trip again when my boss told me: "COO said he can handle it alone". My reply:"Yippie yeay!". However, it's all 'angan2ku semata-mata'.

It'll be only 2-day-1-nite trip. I believe I can cope that (for not having Qifah sleeping by my side at nite). But since yesterday I started to get emotionally unstable. Watching Qifah getting to sleep (now she nags "aaaa eeee ooooo" as she's getting into sleep), I can't help my tears from running down my cheeks. I can't imagine how will I survive that 1 nite in KL (tears still running down as I'm writing this blog :`{).

Old people say:"Alah bisa tegal biasa"; "There's always the first time for everything". But there's also saying:"It's easier to say than done".


I'll miss those fingers, her smile yang meleret2, her nagging, everything about her...